I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
