It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
