My underwear smells like fireworks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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