Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
