They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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