He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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