I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
