I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
