Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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