Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
