Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
