My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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