i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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