he thought i was a dude.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
