shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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