Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
