hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
