yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
