It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
