i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
