he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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