Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
