I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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