She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
