So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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