So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
