Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
