I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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