I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
