drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
