i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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