If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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