she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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