I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
