I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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