Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Barsexuality is the new black.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
