No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i would punch a child for taco bell
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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