you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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