Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
