I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
