I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
