my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
