i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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