Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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