The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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