Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize