I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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