is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
