Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
