Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
