you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
