I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
