i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
