I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
