Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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