yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
