How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm always down for nudity.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
