I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
