I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
