All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
