He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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