i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
