Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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