She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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