Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
