That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He has the fingertips of a God
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