I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
