I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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