I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize