a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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