I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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