I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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