Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
