so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Plan B is the new Plan A
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
