i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
