what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
