my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
