Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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