im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
